Hanging Back (and Being Okay With It)

Social situations that involve more that one person are often predicated on an almost hyper-social aggressive stance, competition of talking, humor, sarcasm, and wit.  It isn't so much the wit itself, but how much weight those around the person speaking give that wit.  Hyper-competitive social surroundings are thus simultaneously stimulating (everyone's trying really hard, and this is worth something, in the vein of learning) and defining, exhaustive and relentless.  The appearance of not trying hard is important, and takes a lot of effort.  There's a fine line between apathy and pedigree, in that regard, and people almost always answer the questions they want to answer, or disagree with the opinions they want to disagree with, instead of listening to what is said.

I personally hate the sinking feeling of being left out socially, but I also realize that, over time, social groups are quite fluid, and that even exclusion has benefits.  Which isn't to say so much that I'm just okay with it, but that in social situations these days, I'm more inclined to hang back, i.e. not become too emotionally involved if I can help it, and listen to what's being said. I also try hard to start sentences with a summary of what's just been said, first. One thing I can't stand, though, in that I have very little tolerance for it, is when people speak in a completely referential way, dropping the names of thinkers, authors, et al, and don't bother clarifying, or even, generally, saying something specific enough that it matters in any case.  Drives me nuts.  Just say what you want to say without references, please, until we know that we're on the same page.  Otherwise, you might as well go to your bathroom mirror and give a speech to the masses that wait for you there.