This becomes more and more apparent to me as I hear spiraling justificatory narratives for events, actions, reactions, and whatnot. We people are intensely bent on fitting reality to something that we find consistent, and we're entirely inconsistent about our methods and the machinations we incarnate to make our perception of reality the way we want. What is so maddening about admitting mistakes and trying again? Why such associated guilt, self-loathing, and generalized shame? Why squeeze the little sense of freedom, that is, of interaction, self-discovery, and genuine interest we have left with the needle-pointed calipers of dense pressure?
The answer is that we're always trying to achieve something we're not, actually, internally, sure we want. We just think we want it. And we think we want a lot of things. And for those people who think they don't want, and are somehow free, I'm not sure I buy it. I think they just keep what they want buried more appropriately, neater, that is, and aren't as touched, or as vulnerable, to showing others how badly they actually want--something. It is often generalized and highly ambiguous. Which is why it is so hard to talk about. But if we realize that, I think, at some level, we can start to let go of the things we think we want, and respond to those things that make us happy--even if we aren't quite aware of our own enjoyment, even if we are, that is, simply involved in a task fully. Even if that task is not status-contingent. Especially so, perhaps.
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