I don't mean politically powerful or well connected women. I mean women who communicate very clearly, are not afraid to disagree (at the cost of their partner's discomfort), and are very firm and unapologetic regarding their own preferences.
Note that such people are often susceptible to other views. They're not inflexible. But you have to actually say something to them, and be willing to conflict, essentially, overtly and explicitly, with what you firmly know is their preference.
And what it seems is that people try to appease, they try to placate, and this just leads to frustration on both sides. There's something cultural about this, but I can't put my finger on it.
Anyway, there's a few women I've known who are strong in this respect--and I'm not saying this pejoratively or with judgement, just trying to be descriptively accurate--and the universal response from most men to these women is one sentence: "She frightens me."
Why? Honestly. Why?
One of the reasons is, I think, a subconscious defense mechanism. Women like that are more likely to have above-average levels of testosterone. Women who have above-average levels of testosterone are more likely to cheat on their long term partner or leave them when a better opportunity comes along. So this reaction may be a subconscious red flag saying "Don't get involved with that one" that the conscious brain then rationalizes into something else.
ReplyDeleteYou think they're more likely to cheat because higher testosterone leads to greater thrill seeking and less self-control/impulse control? If it is somehow the case that men intuit this, it would be fascinating, and a testament to the power of rationalization.
DeleteI don't know what exactly drives the link between high testosterone levels and likelihood to cheat or "upgrade", only that the link is real. Whether man's reaction is an intuitive response to this is just my speculation. The main point I am making is that I think that at its core, this reaction men have has to do with sexual attraction. To some guys, the female traits you describe are very strongly unattractive sexually, which is then rationalized into her being "frightening" or whatever. Women have such reactions to things that men do as well, though it's elicited by very different behaviors ("He's so creepy!").
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