The Dog.

I'm staying at my wife's Uncle's place right now, and the dog, a mix between a gorilla and a cockroach, eats almost everything I give her.  It started with her sniffing and my cursing.  I couldn't take the fact that she's ben fed in the past and so now expects human food.  At the same time that I cursed under my breathe when she followed me around in search of morsels I might have dropped, I gained what I felt was an iron shield of will and resolve not to give the dog anything; not even a look.  What happened eventually was two-fold. Kids came over.  Small kids, the sort of kids that are short.  And then.  And then their mom's gave them some food, inevitably, and whomp the dog snuck off with cookies, ice cream, and assorted grilled hot dogs too. 

Then something else happened that wasn't at all fortuitous, at least to me.  The cat took a massive putrid shit.  The kind of shit that makes you wonder why you have a cat in the first place; the kind of shit that makes you evacuate the house.  And then.  Whomp.  It was gone.  This was a bit of a shock to the cat, and the claws came out, which in turn sent the dog whimpering to the corner, but also, as he whimpered, he swallowed.  Man.  Apparently this shit eating behavior is called something.  I call it fucking disgusting.  My wife said, with a degree of realization that I found stunning "that's why my uncle doesn't mind the cat!" And the next time it happend I hit the dog, hard, and said "No!" I mean, should I really let it happen?

So the shit eating really broke my resolve.  I started to feed the dog anything I could think of, just to see what she would not eat.  Today, she ate a bowl of oatmeal.  Yesterday, a whole rotton banana.  The day before, half an onion.  The kicker, after she followed me around for more food: half a lemon.  That one actually sent her to the backyard for a bit.  Am I cruel?  No, I'm running an experiment here. So far, only red peppers are unappetizing.  Go figure.