I have this recurring slightly sub-conscious and nagging tilt of a realization that getting old(er) will be mixed, but never, ever, full-on life changing in the respect of a mind opening almost drug-like experience of melding transcendence. I don't suppose I should expect such utter opening, if it could exist. I have been fooled by such things before, and know it is dangerous to let romantic ideals drive observations and behavior. To wit, my dreams are deeply, darkly, buried, if they exist at all.
That is: sometimes success is about the ability to get and stay bored, without screaming against the glass ball that is the constraints of our life here, and instead to turn inward and begin to find interest through patience.
Also side note: religion serves to provide a lot of things for society, but one of the most important is to concentrate folks on common goals, and to steer clear from strongly associating oneself with sinful behavior, or, in other words, behavior that provides sort term pleasure for individuals and disrupts coordination survival type stuff.
Anyway, another item which I need to develop is my beginning abiding distrust of people, almost everyone. Not paranoid, not excessive. Just balancing. Balancing from my previous implicit naivete.
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