Money Makes Us Rude.

When we have interactions that involve an exchange of money, we don't have to take into account the person with whom we interact in any way outside of the money.  They are compensated for their service, and that [the money] is all we owe them.  We put on a false veneer of niceness, of empathy, but we don't care.  We care about the object of our desire, the object we receive for the money.

At the same time, we pay for service workers to be nice to us when we consume the goods they provide. [Coffee shop is good example of this.]  We don't have to take seriously their overtures, because we know they're being paid (partially by our funds) to be nice to us.  We can chose to be nice or not to be nice.  More often than not, giving money exhausts our moral altruistic reserves, and we can be neutral, or even mean and demanding, depending on how we view the service.

Contrast this with an exchange of food or drink in someone's home when we're not paying [directly].  There, we make a point of bringing unnecessary items (like bottles of wine or flowers) to show our pre-gratitude, and we never mention money at all.  In fact, friendship might be defined as mutual reciprocity without funding.  Because when we monetize our emotions, we don't have to feel them anymore.  The money has done it for us.

What the implications are for this in a consumer/service driven society aren't totally clear, except that the class of people who are used to being served to and paying for it don't see anything wrong with the fact that another class of people literally serves them.  But I bet if you asked the servers themselves, the story wouldn't be as clear as "well they pay me money so I serve them"--i think it would be "I have to do this to make money and live, so I do what I must to get by."  And that's a very different attitude.

Which is why I also think that when you hang out with people who have or are used to having money (and especially sons and daughters of inherited wealth who might not have to work if they didn't want to) you see a funny thing: nobody talks directly about money (sure, it is discussed on a macro level).  Revealing how much money you have, or how much you paid, in these circles, is sacrilegious.  Yet, the same people will gladly accept that others should serve them coffee, tea, bread, bagels, omelets, tuna sandwiches, and salmon, all because they're paying.

At the fanciest of restaurants, perhaps prices are omitted from the menu, though, so we can all just enjoy the food for once.